Money Tying Pool

“Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Money”—Monkey Typing Pool (full version / “silver lamé” version)

This might be the fastest I’ve put together an original song (as opposed to the one-day cover of Big Star’s “Jesus Christ” I did for a friend’s birthday a few months back): three days from apparently being hit in the head with the title to the complete song.

Once again I forgave myself snark by inhabiting a (cartoon version of a) character very different from me. That notion flowed pretty clearly from the title—who else would feel that they’re certainly not about to hide their vast, bulgeingly protuberant wallet? My first thought about the music, before I wrote any lyrics, was that it should sort of slither in—I had the maracas/cabasa sound in mind, as well as the chromatic (reversed) bass bit, although the specifics took a while. I wanted the beat to sneak in as well: it’s hard to tell where the “1” is until the full bass part enters (it’s on the first of those two 16th notes that recur). Having begun with the cabasa (usual disclaimer that aside from the vocals, nothing in this track is remotely “acoustic” in origin), I rooted about in the “Latin percussion” area of Logic Pro and constructed a complex, idiosyncratic, and no doubt entirely inauthentic Latin groove. I added and subtracted bits in different sections and different recurrences of sections to make the thing less monochromatic. The Wurlitzer sound was also in my mind, again nearly from the start. (By the way: have I mentioned that I’ve been listening to a lot of stuff from 1971 lately? I think that shows up here…)

The main piano lick is a version of the last few notes of the guitar part from the near-titular Beatles song…and in the third bar of every verse, on the different chord (C, the III of Am), that’s a variation of the version. At some point, I came up with the idea to repeat the “tree falls” bit from the bridge as an outro/coda…and then the idea of a solo of some sort to add interest showed up in my head. I actually spent more time figuring out that part than anything else. At first, it was going to be a spiky, jumpy, near-random-note guitar solo, heavily distorted…but I just couldn’t come up with the right flavor.

I was bumming…until it just so happened that I ran into who else but Mr. Rick Wakeman at a miniature golf course. He very kindly agreed to drop by and lay down a wicked keyboard solo for me.

The preceding paragraph has not been rated by Snopes.com at this time.

Anyway, still looking for “random” and “spiky” in the synth solo…but it never quite fit. I even borrowed an idea from Mr. Zappa and did a bit of “xenochrony”: I made a rhythm snippet in 11/8 with one bar of that equaling one bar of the regular track’s 4/4. Of course, I was playing stupid-crazy rhythms (note: keyboard recorded at half speed—I’m not that competent), so it’s not as if you can actually tell. But that solo was just too proggy…even after I flanged and chorused it within inches of its life. So I thought…let’s just do noise. I recorded a power drill and a kitchen blender (she really worked me over good)—but I don’t think my mic (or recording technique?) is that good, and it was…the wrong kind of noise. So I sought some sound-effects recordings…and using the Digital Fuctwithizer made them sound even noisier. But now it was maybe a bit too abstract…. It finally worked when I brought the keyboard solo back in, semi-low in the mix. (In the meantime I’d sort of warmed to the solo…so the alternate mix—for those who do not dig the noisy but do dig the sound of glittery capes—highlights the synth solo, sans industrial noisescape.)

I was trying to figure out how to do the vocals…when my shuffle brought up a Curtis Mayfield track. Unfortunately, Mayfield’s dead (that’s what I said), so I couldn’t get him on the track…so I sang the falsetto vocal. I wasn’t sure about how it sat, by itself (I’m getting better at singing but…)—and I came up with the Bowie/Squeeze idea of doubling that part an octave lower. That works pretty well…and, conveniently, sort of works with the megalomania of the narrator (he’s so special he has two voices!).

I think it turned out pretty well.

Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Money

Let me tell you how it will be
All of you is microdecimals of me
I am your alphabet, your omegavitamin
All your base are belong the golden site I'm in

Dare to tell me what you want me to hear
Stuff my gullet with interest, if I lend an ear
Weigh and measure, see where the marketvane leads
Flow to my treasury, compounding interest breeds

If a tree falls in a forest and it's unmonetized...
What's the sound of one hand clapping...if it's cash-shy?
Your value's like a cat in a Schrödinger cage
You only live or die depending on the whim of my gaze

You wanna take but you can't take until I
Deign to make and bake an allofit pie
One slice for me and—no slice for you
Maybe after you're dead, we'll melt your bones into glue

If a tree falls...
If a tree falls...
If a tree falls...
If all the trees fall...
(Here comes the woodchipper!)