ten reasons I will never become President of the United States of America

1. I did not eat turkey, stuffing, cranberries, or any other seasonally fetishized food items yesterday – not even a tofucken…uh, tofu turducken.

2. I went nowhere near a mall today, nor did I buy anything online for anyone’s Christmas present. I did buy a sandwich at a locally owned restaurant (Fuel, to reward them for going smoke-free a month ago) and then replenished the diet soda supply. And Rose and I will probably go out to eat tonight somewhere. But shopping as such? The day after Thanksgiving? I shudder.

3. I did not willingly watch any football yesterday (my in-laws had the game on – but then we watched Ratatouille instead).

4. I no longer have a TV that works except to play DVDs – no network TV, no cable TV.

5. I no longer own a cell phone.

6. I haven’t worn a wristwatch for years (and nowadays, with everyone owning cell phones, I’m not sure why anyone does) – there are clocks everywhere anyway. (Except for at the Post Office – where, a worker told me, they were actually ordered to remove them so customers didn’t know how much time they were wasting standing in line. Yes, that’ll work!)

7. Hardly any of my clothing promotes any brand of anything. There are some exceptions: band t-shirts, a couple of WMSE t-shirts, and a slew of Atomic t-shirts back when they were giving them away with $50 purchases (back at the heights of my CD-buying) – plus two sweatshirts for which I made exceptions: (1) a Leinenkugel’s sweatshirt purchased during a brewery tour because we were camping nearby and it had gotten unexpectedly chilly; (2) a sweatshirt with the logo of a Central Valley winery in California…because several years ago, when we were touring wineries in that region, we came across one which shared my surname – of course, I had to buy the sweatshirt.

8. I don’t attend church.

9. I have inhaled – although it’s been nearly twenty years, and I never really enjoyed it. Don’t have a problem with other people doing so, but it never did much for me.

10. Apparently, a friend of mine has a picture of my ass, mooning her.

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Filed under indulgence, political, snark

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