I’ve gotta admit, I’ve paid almost zero attention to Prince since he emigrated to Planet Purple sometime in the late ’80s or so. Critics claimed to have spotted Prince returning to our own Earth a few years back with Musicology, and while “Cinnamon Girl” (of course it’s not the Neil Young song!) was pretty good, it also sounded rather like the work of a talented Prince tribute act deciding to write an original song. So I didn’t investigate further.
So it was that a few days ago, I heard a track on the radio from Prince’s newest release (coincidentally titled Planet Earth). I knew it was Prince, because my car radio has that dealy where it spells out the artist and song title with some stations – but if you’d told me it was “Weird Al” Yankovic doing a Prince-like song – with a guest rap by The Onion‘s Smoove B yet! – I totally would have believed it. Seriously: the lyrics read like a parody of Smoove B, if you can imagine. The music was limp and unimaginative, and if that sounds like a vague description it’s because it was also utterly unmemorable as well.
I’m kinda hoping this song is the worst one on the record, and that it’s there solely as part of a hush-hush agreement wherein Prince was compelled to write a jingle for Moet, Raisinets, and Chocolat (all of which are product-placed in the lyrics) after some sort of product-oriented orgy-gone-wrong with a trio of backing vocalists resulted in a paternity suit.