shiver me timbers, blow me down, etc.

Here’s a little item gleaned from the latest installment of “The Hater” by Amelie Gillette (who’s my secret girlfriend): a chain of movie theaters plans on introducing a little device whereby viewers can summon an usher to shush blabbers for you. Anyway, apparently the device will come with buttons you can press for various annoyances, including one marked – no joke – “Piracy.” (Insert obvious joke re using this at Pirates of the Caribbean.) I mean, really: theater owners expect there to be enough piracy that one of a handful of buttons is specifically dedicated to spotting it out? And that people in the theater are going to be oh so concerned – dearie me, that young fellow is recording this movie so people can see the same movie we paid nine bucks for on a teeny screen with crappy resolution, for free?

It reminds me of when our local Cable Bastards(tm) put up billboards on every corner, encouraging a vigilant citizenry to be on the lookout for those dangerous rogues who might be stealing cable service. Because, you know, if someone else is getting cable for free, that costs me a whole lot of money. Unlike, say, the cost of hundreds of pointless billboards trying to scare cable pirates.

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